their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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