Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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