Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
