would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
