Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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