I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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