you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
