Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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