I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
