No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
