I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
