Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
