Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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