Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
