It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
