I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
