dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize