I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
