.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
this is an emotional support booty call
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
