My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
