What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize