cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
