he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
