Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
