This girl is more easily done than said...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
