i think my tv is drunk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize