so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
