After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
