I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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