the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
