Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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