Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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