Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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