I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
