My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
