think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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