Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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