Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize