Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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