SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
