My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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