So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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