Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize