well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He did a backflip because drugs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
