2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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