I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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