I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
