mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
then he tried to convert me to islam
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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