My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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