i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
