Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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