Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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