Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
