i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
