Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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