the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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