get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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