She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
