He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
