Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
