Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
