i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
