He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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