Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
