Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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