watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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