I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize