Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
