Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize