I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
